just come out here and I will go home with you...
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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