Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
Drunk is not a location!
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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