Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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