8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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