so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
