No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
