Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
