i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
