i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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