ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
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