The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
