May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
