You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
