I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
Randomize
