Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
