found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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