yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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