dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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