How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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