Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
