how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
