C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
It's Friday. Sex?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
