I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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