My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
