Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
