When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
