when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
