smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
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