i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Randomize
