is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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