You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
