Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize