i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
