i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
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