Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
