it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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