just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
