I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
