My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize