I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Randomize
