i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
