looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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