Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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