We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
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