Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize
