best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
