I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
