the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
