my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize