The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
one two three fourrrrnication!
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
