Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
