Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Randomize
