Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
only if we run a train.
done.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
We don't watch enough power rangers
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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