I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
she told me i tasted like america
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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