I have demons in me.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Randomize
