They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
