ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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