i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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