I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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