Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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