he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
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