I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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