Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Randomize
