If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
