this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
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