when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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