Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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