your parents love me but you hate me
I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Randomize
