Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
