Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Randomize
