You made me cry and you don't even care
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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