I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
