Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
