Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
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