as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
