how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Randomize
