Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
I cut my penus on the lid.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Randomize
