If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Randomize
