We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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