Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
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