I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
