I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
