hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
