They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
