No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
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