3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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