Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
