Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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