I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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