If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
