he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
