are you still at the devil's house?
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
