i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
