this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
