I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
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