I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
