her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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