It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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